My daddy always says that you can tell you’re over the hill when you double your age and don’t expect to live that long.  That being said, I’m pretty sure I’m at the top – or maybe just a wee bit over the top – of the hill right now.  I’m 47.  Pretty sure I won’t live longer than 94.  If I don’t get my behind off the couch, I won’t get close.  My husband died at 47.  We didn’t know that he was at the bottom of his hill though.

I’m not sure how I got to the top of the hill.  I sure don’t remember the climb, I’m no good at climbing.  Ask my daddy.  My days of mountain climbing ended the last time I said, “Carry me daddy!” and daddy said, “I can’t pick you up any more, you’re 12.”  He had to walk back down with me and miss the rest of the climb.  He wasn’t happy with me that day.  Needless to say I wasn’t invited to go along after that.  The climb to the top of the “Life Hill” isn’t very steep, I didn’t even break a sweat and that doesn’t take much.  But here I am, at the top and officially MIDDLE AGED.

I don’t feel ‘Middle Aged’.  I don’t feel 18 anymore either.  I was looking at some old photos the other day and ran across some from my High School graduation.  What happened to that optimistic girl with stars in her eyes and the whole world in front of her?  She had such wonderful dreams… she would marry Prince charming, live in a charming cottage, raise loving, adoring children, and live happily ever after… Nothing bad would ever happen to her because those things only happen to other people.

Wrong.  She wasn’t expecting things like divorce, abuse, single parenthood, second marriage, blended family, cancer, widowhood, single parenthood again, money issues… Bad things do happen.  They happen to everyone, not just other people.  But she (I)  have some positives that grew and blossomed out of all those bad things.  A stronger relationship with Jesus Christ, a deep reliance on my heavenly Father, a strength born of surviving experiences, resilience, compassion, mercy, I’m sure there are others that I haven’t even discovered yet.  I know that the road that led me to Larry was necessary to mold me into the woman who was perfect for Larry.  I know that the road I’ve had to travel with Larry’s illness and since his death is necessary to mold me into the woman who is perfect for the purpose that God has for my future.

I’m on the top of the Life-Hill and from where I stand, the view is pretty good from both sides.

Romans 2:3 (The Message)

God is kind, but he’s not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.